You Can Judge
You can judge me:
- because I had an epidural
- I formula fed.
- The fact she never slept in my bed.
- We use disposables
- She has a dummy and
- watches television,
but it’s not your decision
You can judge me:
- For not letting her cry it out, or
- because she threw a tantrum in the park
- or she’s eating chocolate buttons and has
- messy hair
but I don’t care
she’s two, who are you?!
You will never know:
- she was back to back,
- and she wouldn’t latch
- she was happy in her bed
You weren’t there in my head
- She was hungry in the night,
- she tantrums when she’s tired
it’s not your concern
When will people learn?
The space between us is sacred
You cannot break us down
With your disapproving frown
Or your comment on a Facebook post.
You did not cry on her head because she wouldn’t feed from you.
You didn’t sit upright
Because it’s the only way reflux would allow her to rest
Your small mind didn’t feel the fear when a paramedic came to help her breathe.
The opinions you have didn’t sway her to sleep last night because her ever-learning brain couldn’t slow down.
Your thoughts aren’t a test
My love is a testimony
To this little girl,
I’d happily lie in traffic for her,
There’s nothing I wouldn’t do,
The only problem here is you.
Mama on Outside Play
Mia loves outside play; it doesn’t matter if it’s the garden, the park, a quick walk around the block, she loves to be outdoors. Studies have shown it’s really beneficial for their development and I can see this with Mia.
The other day, it was grey and rainy and Mia was miserable. She was such a grumpy toddler, we tried to play games indoors but nothing helped. So I decided I would do a typically bonkers British thing. I put her in her waterproof dungarees, her wellies, her big, thick waterproof coat and we went to the park. She loved it. Happier child instantly. It doesn’t seem to matter what we do, we go to the park and she just runs around. I’ve been for a walk with her on her trike before. She runs around the garden, we refill the bird feeders and she’s happy! I try and make sure we get outside every day because it really seems to lift her mood. Development-wise it’s shown to benefit their gross motor skills, which in turn then aids their fine motor skills which tend to advance once their gross motor skills are in place.
Mia on Outside Play
I don’t like it if I have to stay indoors all the time, I like playing with toys and running around the house but I get bored. The park is fun because it has different things for me to run on. I like swings and slides, but also I see other children and they make me giggle, they can run really fast. One of my favourite things to do is go in the garden. There are lots of birds and things to look at and I like to fill up the bird feeders because I enjoy putting things in boxes and tubes. It makes me happy with all the space and the fresh air, I love it!
Night Off: Mama’s First Night Away
Last week I had my first night off. Mia is two next month. This wasn’t by design. I hadn’t consciously never been away from her, the opportunity had just not presented itself. On Tuesday I had an all day conference at work and we all stayed overnight. So I had to leave her with Dada.
Usually I think of myself as a very laid back personality, this has pros and cons; it’s very difficult to convince people you care about things when your response is usually not to worry! When it comes to Mia, however, I find myself a worrying hand-ringer, constantly wondering ‘what if?’. I am a control freak, so if I’m not there I panic. We didn’t know how she would react and I was a 2 hour drive away and I hadn’t driven myself so getting back wouldn’t be easy if it was a total sh*t show. Mama is the one constant she has had since birth; yes I go to work, yes I’ve been out for the day, but I’ve always been there either to put her to bed or first thing in the morning.
The Actual Night
I found that actually I worried more in the build up than on the actual day; there was nothing I could do about it so we might as well get on with it. During the day I was far more concerned about getting there, getting the projector to work, organising everything and later, eating a nice meal and drinking some wine! The next day, whilst I was delighted I was going to see her, I wasn’t itching to get back to her as I thought I would be.
Whilst I won’t be rushing off to book a 3 week holiday away without Mia, I won’t be half as worried if the opportunity to spend a night away arises. I feel a bit silly about how wound up I got before going away, but I don’t think I *should* feel silly about it; it’s natural for a mama to want to be around her baby and the first time you do something involving your child there will always be nerves and anxiety. It’s a learning curve.
Mia’s Night Off
Last week was odd. Everyone kept getting up really early and I was super tired. One of the days was definitely super early as I was at Nana & Grandad’s and Ben & Holly wasn’t on yet. Then Dada picked me up; that doesn’t usually happen. It was nice, I liked it. I like doing different things, it’s fun. When we got home I called for Mama but I couldn’t find her. I thought it was a little bit odd but Mama always comes back so I just played with my toys. Dada gave me some dinner and tried to put me to bed, but I’d had a big nap so I wanted to run around a bit more. Then we got up early again. I couldn’t find Mama but Dada was there and we were at home like usual so I thought maybe she would be back soon. We went to Nana and Grandad’s like I usually do. I had my nap and when I woke up Mama was there. It was nice to see her. But I always knew she would be back soon.